Walmart Diagnostic Computer

One day, in line at a company cafeteria, Jake says to Joe behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor."

"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Joe replies. "There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-mart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars... a lot cheaper than a doctor."

So Jake puts a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-mart. He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:

You have tennis elbow. Soak it in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks.

Thank you for shopping @ Wal-mart.

That afternoon, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jake began wondering if the computer could be fooled. When he got home, he mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his cat, urine samples from his wife and daughter and his own sperm sample for good measure, and hurried to Wal-mart before it closed, eager to check the results. He deposited ten dollars, poured in his concoction, and awaited the results.

The computer lights up, and ten seconds later prints the following:
1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener kit. (Aisle 9)
2. Your cat has ringworm. Bathe her with anti-fungal shampoo (Aisle 7)
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant, Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.